First of all I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all of the well wishes, prayers and virtual hugs you have sent during this most difficult time in my life! You have helped me through this more than you will ever know! I had my phone attached to my left hand for three days just waiting for another comment, another prayer, another friend reaching out to me. No one knows what to say in times like these but please know what you did say was just what I needed to hear and anything at all was so much better than nothing. So again, THANK YOU! I wish I had the appropriate words to say just how appreciative I am!
Now for the update. We met with our OB yesterday just to get some questions answered. We learned some new things about Anencephaly, such as 75% of the babies do not make it full term because their hearts stop beating. We have our L2 ultrasound tomorrow morning first thing, then will meet with a specialist to go over the US and discuss all of our options in more depth.
Just because I want to get a few things off my chest I’m going to write about them now but please feel free to stop reading this now if you don’t want to be saddened by what I say. I’m needing an outlet and unfortunately for you this is it.
First, I feel like a fraud when I take my pre-natal vitamin and when I get dressed in maternity clothes. Something in me says “why are you doing this? Does it really matter anymore?” Thank goodness my yoga pants still fit/stretch enough to wear and my old t-shirts and sweatshirts are big enough to cover so when I have nowhere to go I wear those.
Next, I don’t blame God. Some people going through difficult times blame God and ask why He would do this to them. I don’t. He wouldn’t! This is nature taking its course and God has not ‘done’ this to us. He is here to give us strength and help us through this, not put us through this.
I guess for now that is it. Wasn’t that bad after all. I somehow feel mostly at peace with this, maybe because I know there is no changing it and I have to heal and be strong for my family.
One more time I will say THANK YOU for all of the support, prayers and hugs! You are all so amazing to me! There have been many times I’ve wondered why I am writing this blog, now I know it was because I would need your support during this most difficult time. Love to you all!
Erin
I wish I could remember the name of this blog I read a few years ago. This woman's third daughter was diagnosed with this and she wrote such a beautiful story about it. I think you deserve to feel however you feel but my dear, you are not a fraud! You are so strong!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the update...we are all praying for you!!
ReplyDeleteSo I haven't really reached out to you because I just started following your blog. You don't know me and I don't know you. I feel awkward commenting now, but I wanted to recommend a support group. It's a babyloss community. A girl I went to school with founded it after her daughter was stillborn. Here's the website: http://facesofloss.com/
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this would even be helpful to you, but I figured why not suggest it. I hope you and your husband are able to find some comfort as you go through this. You'll be in my prayers.
I am going to respond to your email form the other day right now but I just want you to know I have been thinking and praying for you constantly!
ReplyDeleteConstant prayers coming at ya, my dear!
ReplyDeleteGod's continued peace be with you and your family...
God brings us through trials to reveal things to us and in hopes it will draw us closer to him. I have been praying for you and your family, just praying for peace. I read a book a while back called "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. Not sure if this would bring comfort to you or be too much to handle, but I wanted to throw it out there. I'll continue to pray for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Erin my love - you are so strong and have an exceptional attitude. I am so thinking of you and praying every minute of the day.
ReplyDeleteYou are totally right, no-one ever knows what to say. So we always just offer up our condolences.& Please continue to say whatever you want to get off your chest, dont feel like you have to censor yourself. Those are your thoughts and this is your experience you have the right to express however you want. And this sounds corny but I am totally always ready to listen! Thoughts have been with you and will continue to be with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHey sweets, I have been thinking of you SO much but haven't been able to comment because I was reading from my phone, not from a computer. I just want you to know that I'm here and sending you lots of love and I'm so incredibly sorry that you have to go through this. It seems ridiculously unfair but you are so strong by having a good attitude and finding some peace through this process. Thinking of you constantly! xoxo
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking about and praying for you. Stay strong like I know you will.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about you everyday! I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through but you have such a positive attitude and its girls like you that truly deserve the most in life. Just keep goin girl. Everything happens for a reason even if we don't know what that reason is yet. Praying for you sweets!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for updating, I (as long with tons of other people) have been thinking about you all week. Erin you are so strong and like I said in the email please let me know if there is anything I can do. I have been praying for you and your family. I love how you brought up that god does not do this to us on purpose. God is with you every step of the way and will guide you through this. It sounds like you have amazing faith. Also do not think you are a fraud. You are a wonderful caring mom. Hugs <3
ReplyDeleteI'm just catching up on reading now - Erin, I haven't been in your situation before so I can't even imagine the feelings you're going through, but, I am in amazement of your strength and outlook! Reading this post put a few new positive perspectives in my mind and I thank you for that!
ReplyDeleteI love what you said about God! You are such a strong person and I admire you for how you've handled this. What an inspiration for so many people on how to hold your head up during adversity! Keep marching on, sister! :)
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