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Baby Update–Week 23 and It’s A Boy

20131018_153759I have only one month left of my second trimester, folks.  This pregnancy is flying by!!!  4 months to go, how crazy is that? 

So you are probably freaking out by the title – “I thought she wasn’t finding out!”  “What?!? A boy!!!”  Hold your horses, friends, it’s not been confirmed and NO I didn’t find out.  But!  Andy had ‘the dream’ this weekend.  With both boys Andy had a dream about them.  He nailed it, too.  With Aiden his dream was that he was a boy with very long monkey arms and that he was a BIG boy.  Aiden was born a boy (duh), weighing in at 9lbs 1 oz. (huge) and when he was laying in his bassinet at the hospital his arms would stretch out and go up the sides of the warmer because they were so long (monkey arms).  Brennan’s wasn’t quite as descriptive, just that he was a big boy.  Boy? Check.  Big? Check (9 lbs. 1 oz. again).  So this time his dream was that it was ANOTHER BIG BOY (ugh, can’t I just sneeze out a 7 pounder for once??) and that this one’s complexion was what he called ‘normal’.  Aiden was born with a tan and still has one at all times, Brennan is pasty as Casper the Ghost and this baby, in the dreams, was somewhere in between.  Oh, and he has lots of hair (thus the heartburn, I guess).  So there you have it, my dreams of having a girl have ended. 

As for me and how I’m feeling at week 23?  Meh, ok I guess.  For the most part I feel fantastic physically, just had a few aches and pains here and there.  What’s really bothering me is how I’m feeling emotionally.  I’m sad all the time.  I cry all the time.  What is wrong with me?  I’m so happy to be pregnant, so happy to be having a baby, but I just can’t shake this gloomy feeling.  It’s really irritating.  I don’t want to feel this way, I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do.  Add to that how I can’t stop worrying about this baby.  I’m terrified something will happen to it and we’ll have to tell the boys again that they aren’t getting a baby.  That would crush me and them.  I know, according to my appointments and ultrasounds, that this baby is perfectly healthy, but there’s always the chance of something going wrong and I can’t move past that thought.  I am freaking myself out over every little thing.  It’s starting to take over my thoughts.  And because of this constant worry and depression I’m turning into an evil, awful mom who yells and gets mad all the time.  It’s not the boys’ faults that I feel this way, plus they are such good boys so why take it out on them just because they do one little thing that they shouldn’t?  I’m so upset over this whole thing.  I have my next appt. on Monday, I will be talking this over with my dr. for sure.  I can’t do this for the next 4 months, it’s not fair to Andy, the boys, this baby or me.  And poor Andy.  I feel so awful for him.  I am constantly needing him to reassure me that he still loves me, that I don’t gross him out, that he does want to be around me.  I don’t know why I am so freaked out about him.  If he doesn’t hold my hand in the car I jump to the conclusion that he’s grossed out by me.  If he doesn’t give me a million kisses and hugs in the evenings I’m just sure he doesn’t love me anymore.  The man is a saint, and he is trying his hardest to put up with me and my psycho behavior, but I am sure he is close to his breaking point.  Monday, come fast!!! 

Sorry for dumping that on you, I just need to get it off my chest.  I tell Andy everything I am feeling but he doesn’t know what to say to help me anymore.  I’m just at my wit's end with this, I hope my dr. can help me figure this out. 

Erin

13 comments:

  1. I love you Erin! I hope your day brightens up! You are gorgeous. One of the prettiest pregnant ladies I've ever seen. I also still think this baby is going to give y'all the shock of your lives. I still think she's a she.

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  2. Aww Erin you look beautiful! I had a big boy first and a little one second so maybe your third will be your little boy or girl! I'm so sorry you're feeling that way but Its normal for what you've been through. Have you talked to your dr about it? Remember you have a wonderful healthy baby in there and you're a great mama!

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  3. I think it's only normal to think those things with what you have been through but definitely talk to your Dr.
    Your beautiful! Keep you chin up and hang in there!


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  4. Before I read the last part of your post, I was going to say how beautiful you look as a pregnant lady :) I am SURE Andy isn't
    "grossed out" by you at all. I've never been pregnant but I'm sure it's somewhat normal to feel stressed, nervous and emotional. Everything will be just fine!! :)

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  5. I'm sorry you're having a tough time lately... let me just tell you without a doubt that you're absolutely gorgeous, and glowing, and you look absolutely perfect! Hopefully these negative emotions go away soon... I hate that you're feeling that way!

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  6. First I about died when I read that title!!! I thought someone screwed up and opened their big mouths!!!

    Sorry you are having a rough time but know you will make it through!! I didn't have the sad feeling but I have heard from many others that they went through this stage as well. I did go through the stage where I just knew Trav was disgusted by me too. I mean how can a big ol'belly be attractive?! This baby will be just as perfect and healthy as the first two!!!

    Hang in there love!!

    XoXo

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  7. Oh Erin...I'm so sorry you are feeling that way. I just think you look absolutely beautiful. You look wonderful.. and Andy loves you and I'm sure he thinks the same thing. He's probably worried about this bundle of joy too.. Just try to be there for each other. I know you are worried but just remember that the DR is on top of things and you are doing everything perfectly. I'm here if you need a listening ear...

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  8. Your pregnancy is flying by!
    I'm sending hugs your way. I hope your doctor can help you out so you can kick that "down" mood to the curb!
    Hang in there momma, only 4 more months!!

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  9. Oh honey...I am so sad for you. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be okay. But trust me... Everything is going to be okay!!! I am hear if you need a shoulder :)

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  10. I was freaking out about your title! I'm sending you hugs lady! You're just emotional and that's ok, you're growing a human! Love ya! Text me if you need to talk! xoxo

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  11. Sorry girl. You're awesome and you've got this. I am sure talking to the doc will make ya feel better. I cannot wait to find our what you're having. You look amazing.

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  12. Thinking of you sweet friend. I am sorry you are having such a horrible emotional time right now. Here's too hoping your doctor will have some answers. I know it always made me feel better when I was able to get answers and reassurance from mine.

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  13. Oh Erin!! Sweetie!! Don't worry! You're gorgeous, I can't say that enough! Andy, the boys , me all LOVE you! Emotions suck on a normal basis, but add prego hormones and it's crazy!! I wish I could take what you're feeling away!! Really, I do! Just remember, it won't last forever! The baby will be fine! Do talk to the dr, just to see if there is anything you can do!!

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