Life Changes

 

And just like that, life takes a left turn.

I miscarried the baby.  Monday I had a regular appointment, was 14 weeks along, and my dr. couldn’t find the heartbeat using the doppler. So she pulled out the office ultrasound machine, again, couldn’t find the heartbeat.  I then went over to the hospital for an internal US, no heartbeat.  After that Andy and I met with my dr. again to go over our options.

1.) Take medicine at home and pass the baby here.  Bloody, painful and all around not a fun experience.  2.) Have a D&C at the hospital, which is being put under and waking up an hour later and it’s all done.  Go home after another hour. 

So that’s what I chose.  We scheduled the D&C for Thursday and I went home.  That afternoon I started bleeding.  It was kind of crazy because the baby had been dead for about 2 weeks (according to US), yet I hadn’t had any spotting or cramping at all. But that afternoon it all started.  My dr. was so sweet and had given me her personal cell phone number so I could call day or night. That night I spoke to her and told her I was bleeding, no cramping yet, and wondered if we could move up the procedure – I was worried I’d end up having it at home after all.  She had to check the OR for availability the next day so Tuesday morning she called me back and told me we could do it that afternoon at 1:30. 

At 12:30 Tuesday afternoon we went to the hospital and got prepped for the surgery.  I was wheeled back a little after 1:30 and was back in my room by 2:30.  We left the hospital a little before 4:00.  It turns out I was already dilated and in the process of passing the baby myself so it was a good thing I went in early.

I’m doing fine, it’s all a little surreal still since it happened so fast.  The boys are doing well, they were very sad, still are, but are their normal, crazy selves.  Glad kids are resilient.  Aiden said that since we had Tate after we lost the first baby, maybe we’d have another baby since we lost this one.  Oh boy, I don’t know.  That’s the question everyone wants to ask and no one will – will we try to have another baby?  Who knows.  I’d like to see what the pathology report says first before making any hard and fast decisions.  There’s no rush, but right now I don’t feel like we will. We have 3 healthy boys, why push it?

We don’t and won’t know the sex of the baby – it wasn’t developed enough to show the gender yet.

So that’s been my week so far. Andy is home with me again today helping with Tate and housework.  I feel pretty good physically, tired and a tiny bit sore, but nothing too bad.  Emotionally I’m feeling good, too.  It stinks but I’ll be ok.