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Missing Out


Do you ever think about the things you have missed out on in your life?  For instance, for me one major thing I missed out on was college.  I went to cosmetology school.  It’s like a job in a salon before you even have the license.  No school Monday’s (most salons are closed Monday’s in these parts), a long day on Tuesday and Thursday, regular 8-5 day on Wednesday and Friday, then back at it Saturday morning until 2.  There’s no dorm life and the girls you ‘work’ with those 5 days a week get very catty and you don’t want to see them outside of school if you don’t have to.  I missed out on the whole ‘college experience’.  No dorm life, where you meet some of your very best friends that you’ll have the rest of your life.  No dorm parties.  No skipping class because you just don’t have it in you to go that day.  All that adventure of college life I will never get, ever.  I regret my decision to not go to a 4 year college every day of my life. 

There’s no going back, that I know, but it doesn’t make me think about it or miss it any less.  And you can be sure I will encourage my boys very heavily that they attend a 4 year school and don’t make the mistake that I did.

Then there’s the 1 thing I’m missing out on that there is nothing I can do about, regardless of any decisions I have made.  That 1 thing is having a daughter, a baby girl I can call my own, who I can dress up in pretty dresses and put bows in her hair whenever I feel like it.

Having a daughter is one thing I’ve always dreamed about.  I’ve dreamed of going shopping with her.  Of taking her for her first manicure and pedicure.  Helping her find her prom dress and wedding gown.  Sharing my love for Anne Of Green Gables and Laura Ingalls Wilder with her.  Painting her nails.  Braiding her hair.  Teaching her how to cook and bake and can vegetables, how to pot pretty flowers and grow vegetables her in garden for her family.  Watching girly movies with her – first Beauty and The Beast, then Sixteen Candles, then The Bridges of Madison County.

My dreams of my daughter and me together are endless.  I have had to grieve for my daughter, the one I never had and never will have, because she is so real to me.  Some days my heart breaks when I see other moms with their daughters, doing what I only dream, can only dream, of doing with mine.  Even though I feel excitement for other’s who are pregnant with their daughters it is always followed quickly by that sharp pang of grief.

In a million bajillion gazillion years I would NEVER trade in one of my boys for a daughter, NEVER.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t still ache for her and dream of her. 

What have you missed out on in your life?

A heads up – I am going to be cohosting a Fall Swag Swap!  I love these swaps, it’s such a great way to meet new bloggers and exchange fun gifts.  More details will be coming in August so keep an eye out for those!

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  1. So now the truth comes out, you didn't want to be around us ;) {just kidding}

  2. Don't sweat not missing college.... I started at a typical four year school then switched to an art college after Freshmen year. All the first year brought me was a bunch of drama at parties that I didn't need. Yes there was drinking and skipping classes and all that but anyone who has any dignity knows its all just bullshit. It wasn't that cool. The art college was a complete 180.... no football team, no dorm rooms....just having a fulltime job and living back at home. If you ever feel like you want to experience college as a Freshman, just get shit faced in some college sweat pants and pass out in a ditch. Don't forget to wear took much makeup and ignore your morals. :)

  3. One of the things I'm really nervous about if/when we get pregnant is that we will have another boy. Not that I don't love all things boy, because I do. Like you, I dream of having a little girl to share all things girly with...

  4. Don't sweat the college stuff! I lived in a dorm for a year and it wasn't for me! I'm glad I tried it, but I'm glad I moved back in with my family :) And I understand about the girl thing. I feel the same way about not having a boy sometimes.

  5. College is one of my biggest regrets too and it bothers me so much! I went to college but it was a small school up north... and I wish every single day that I had gone to a big university down south... that is so much more ME than the college experience I had :/ So I totally feel you there!

    That piece about having a daughter breaks my heart for you... of course you'd never change a thing about your boys but I totally get what you mean <3